Bloggers Anonymous

Posted by Ian Douglas on Aug 11, 2010 in About Me |
Is it fair?  Here I am in Rehab trying to recover from my addiction to computers (see my last post) and someone goes and starts a 100 Comment Challenge!  It is like offering a recovering alcoholic a double brandy!  Do you guys want me attending Bloggers Anonymous as well?!
 
Look, it is not my fault!  The family rumor is that the doctor dropped me onto a computer keyboard seconds after I was born.  It’s not my fault I am an internet junkie… my fate was sealed at my birth!  The fact that my house contains more computers than humans is pure coincidence.  OK, yes, if our internet connection goes down for more than five minutes you may find me sitting in front of my computer absolutely terrified stiff starting at the screen like a zombie repeatedly clicking on the “connect” button every five seconds… but that is normal isn’t it?  If the connection is still gone after another 5 minutes my breathing becomes so fast and shallow I have to lay on the floor in a cold sweat with the curtains drawn otherwise I will collapse unconscious… but that is expected of everyone isn’t it?  Yes, I know my latest laptop cost more than my car; but cars are so cheap these days I don’t see anything wrong with that?  So what if all my computers have names, I talk to them as I type and I give my laptop a cuddle every morning when I first see it?  OK, so what if I can remember the date I brought each of my computers but forget my wife’s birthday… it is not my fault that I have a bad memory!!!  Who cares that when I go into town I always take my cell phone with me and plan the route of my journey so I am always within 100 yards of WiFi Access points?  OK, OK, so I almost pass out in excitement if I discover a brand new blog I haven’t posted a comment on yet, but so would any other healthy man!  And yes, I suppose I may get a little moody and sink into depression if, after a whole day, no one has posted a new comment on my own blog… but surely everyone feels unloved and neglected at times!  Yes, my Address Book contains all my friends and families details arranged alphabetically according to their website URLs… but that is normal isn’t it?  And, yes, I DO share in the housework and help maintain our house… after all I clean all my computer screens don’t I?
 
Look; I am NOT a computer addict!  Just to prove it I went a whole 6.2374 minutes between checking emails this morning which is far in excess of my normal 5 minutes!  I can give up computers anytime I want!
Ian

2 Comments

Allan @ jack russell training
Sep 8, 2010 at 5:36 am

This was absolutely funny. A scapegoat thing of a not so computer addict as the way he introduced himself. 😀 I honestly enjoyed reading your post and at the same time, also having my self-inventory test to know if we now have the same shoes (hopefully not ) .LOL

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Bill Murney
Oct 7, 2010 at 11:23 am

Hi Ian

This post and your last one about computer addiction really hit the mark with me. Although I had never touched a keyboard up to 3 years ago, I am now a fully paid up member of computer addicts and look forward to introducing myself at the next meeting.

How do you like this one –

‘My Living Will’

Last night, my kids and I were sitting in the living room and I said to them,
‘I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.’

They got up, unplugged the Computer, and threw out my wine!!!!

The little bastards ……….

Regards

Bill

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